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Gooners Stalked By Delusional Fat Guy

By on October 15, 2008

If you see this man over your shoulder... RUN!!!

So it seems that reports late last week regarding Alisher Usmanov’s cooling towards his Arsenal stake were either exaggerated or wholly fabricated.  The Telegraph had reported that Usmanov had “been advised not to go ahead with a takeover of the club and [was] reportedly ready to sell his shares.  As usual, us Gooners couldn’t be lucky enough for a story like that to be true.  It’s like “Caught Offside-Syndrome.” You know, that horrible fan site that is somehow on all the major Arsenal news wires with their hit-seeking headlines of “Arsenal set to bid £15m on NEW ZIDANE” – every day with these idiots!!! As if that wasn’t bad enough they now have an imitator, Football FanCast.com.  Usually flattery is the biggest  form of flattery but in this case it’s the biggest form of stupidity.  But I digress…

Of course, as with most football articles in the British press, there is not one quote in the piece either from Usmanov or even an “unnamed source” to back up their headline.  So it appears it was a “premature ejection” of the gangster.  The rest of the article goes on to detail the seemingly precarious situation of both Danny Fiszman and Lady Nina Bracewell-Smith’s position as major shareholders.  Both are said to be seriously contemplating selling their shares and moving on.

What does this mean for Arsenal and its supporters?  Well, I don’t want to go into takeover scenarios and ramifications which I already covered in an article a couple of weeks ago entitled,“The Good and Bad Legacy of David Dein.” So, first things first… the Usmanov “story” was in fact fabricated because yesterday Usmanov was quoted by Sky Sports regarding the rumours.  These quotes are ironically golden so we will reproduce them here:

“I’m in love with Arsenal. I have no intention of selling my stake. That may be possible at some point in time when I know that Arsenal hates me. I will make sure this doesn’t happen. I have not lost one single share.  As long as Arsene Wenger is manager that’s not going to happen.”

He may sell his stake “at some point in time when I know that Arsenal hates me,” he said.  Is he blind?  Can he not read? Can a man who is smart enough to make billions of pounds be so stupid?  Both the Arsenal board and the supporters have done nothing but make it plain and clear that they “hate” Usmanov, yet apparently he doesn’t get the hint.  I mean, even a rudimentary knowledge of English would allow him to get the gist of blog headlines such as “We Hate You Usmanov, Oh Yes We Do” and “Usmanov Fuck Off.”  No? Which begs the question: What do you do when you aren’t in love with someone who loves you?

In our case, the Arsenal board went to the media and made disparaging comments about Usmanov.  Arsenal supporters used ridiculous amounts of bandwidth by doing the same in the blogosphere.  Take a hint!!!  Even the thickest girl would get the hint if you called the Sun to complain about her or if you started a blog devoted to the cause of getting rid of her.  And if it didn’t get rid of her, then she’d be a stalker.

And so it is my fellow Gooners, that we are being stalked by a delusional fat guy who just won’t take the hint.